Average Surfer Disappointed To Find Self Not Surfing Like Joel Parkinson After Purchase Of Joel Parkinson Model Surfboard.

By Guest Goldminer Tim Fisher

WEDNESDAY 5TH AUGUST, Curl Curl NSW – After a highly anticipated first-surf on his new board this morning, Beacon Hill surfer Boyd McKillop emerged from the water with a sense of deep puzzlement at his performance, sources close to the 31-year-old stated today.

The cause of McKillop’s bewilderment stems from the recent purchase of a Joel Parkinson signature model produced by Gold Coast manufacturer JS Industries.

Well-known surfboard creator Jason “JS” Stevenson based the “Parko” model around designs for team rider and worldwide surfing celebrity Joel Parkinson.

Of the model, the JS Industries website says it “is built around Joel’s progressive manoeuvers and seamless flow that continues to push surfing boundaries each year.”

McKillop, who has met neither Mr Stevenson or Mr Parkinson, was crediting the Parko model with a vast improvement in his own surfing as early as 4.30pm yesterday, while still in the carpark of Pacific Juice Surfxess, Manly.

Despite not having ridden the board, he put his confidence down to Parkinson’s incredible competitive year and an email received last week via popular social networking website Facebook.

“When I saw that post from JS on Facebook saying the Parko signature model will blow your mind … well, I’m not usually a sucker for advertising, but I’ve always watched Parko’s video parts and thought I kinda approach waves the same way he does.

“I realised that one of the major obstacles in my own performance was simply that I’ve had the wrong equipment under my feet for years.

“Besides,” McKillop added, “the guy in the surfshop reckoned this board would suit me to the ground. And he threw in a free block of wax.”

Longtime surf partner Ray Greive was present during McKillop’s first session on the Parko model, and says he wasn't surprised by McKillop's latest purchase of celebrity-endorsed hardware.

“Boydy's always been a bit of a sucker for pro gear. When Billabong brought out those ‘Rising Sun’ boardies that year Andy was going for his last world title, Boydy was the first person on the Northern Beaches to buy a pair. And I’ve often heard him scoff at other mates for buying a cheap Balin or O&E tailpad, instead of the Bruce Irons signature pad he swears by.”

Witnesses of McKillop’s first session on the Parko model say early signs were promising – sprinting down the beach and paddling around the lineup with a striking degree of confidence and excitement.

Sadly, this enthusiasm did not increase McKillop’s success with any of his regulation manoeuvres, which include floaters, and three-stage cutbacks. Several awkward changes in direction not consistent with the smooth style Parkinson is known for were also reported.

“The board’s way too narrow and thin for Boyd,” said Grieve. “Not that I’d tell him that. He’s so psyched on it, but you could tell straight away he’s going to struggle with the thing. I mean, the bloke’s never done a vertical re-entry in his life, and you wouldn’t exactly describe him as an in-the-pocket kinda surfer.

“The board looks amazing, but it's not gonna help him get to his feet in one smooth motion.”

McKillop, who spent several hours studying the Parko signature model on the JS Industries website before his purchase, responded indignantly to suggestions that the subtleties of a finely tuned professional-model may not result in the expected quantum leap in his own surfing performance.

“They reckon this is the best board EVER produced,” McKillop said, his voice rising slightly. “If the most naturally gifted surfer in the world is riding them, they speak for themselves.

“I’m kinda surprised my reos weren’t a bit sharper, sure, and there was that carving 360 where I came unstuck at the end, but give me a week to feel out the rail and I reckon you’ll be watching a different surfer.”

The yawning chasm between McKillop and Parkinson both in and out of the water was compounded when McKillop made his way up the beach to a maroon 1989 model Ford Telstar. Kneeling next to the front bumper to retrieve his hidden car key, he paused briefly as a group of young women made their way to the beach. The three girls, aged between 19 and 22, did not return McKillop’s glances, despite the Parko signature model clearly visible next to him on the gravel.

When contacted about the morning’s events, both Jason Stevenson and Joel Parkinson declined comment.