Monday, January 18, 2010

Legrope-Free Purist Slightly Less Smug After Fourth Swim To Beach.

Toonalook backbeach, January 18, 2010.
– Local soul surfer Carl Reid's annoying air of superiority took a well-deserved setback today thanks to a number of tiring swims to retrieve his retro twin-fin fish.

Reid, 23, met two friends, John Mcphee and Wayne Tanner at Toonalook backbeach lookout at 3.00pm whereupon they agreed on a quick surf despite the marginal windswell on offer and rapidly dropping tide.

“We were getting changed and straight away Reidy was on our case for how lame we were for using a legrope on a two foot beachie.” recalls Tanner.

“Thing is, I kinda agree with him but there's something about the way the smug prick comes over all fucken-holier-than-thou that makes me want to punch him in that goateed face of his.”

Reid, who adorns his boards with Sea Shepherd stickers, continued to lecture his friends about their 'infantile dependence' on the legrope as they made their way down to the water's edge.

Onlookers observed Reid’s legrope-free posturing and body language with distaste.

Bea Smith, 78, a long term Toonalook resident, walking her beagles along the beach at the time, commented to reporters. “Look at 'im, like a strutting peacock that boy is. Poser is what I reckon.”

Disdain soon turned to joy for the eyewitnesses as Reid lost his board four times in half an hour.

On each occasion he was forced to swim all the way to the beach.

“It was magic” claimed a clearly elated Mcphee, “the first time he swam in he was all like 'it's a good workout' and 'I'm feeling the flow' and stuff, but you could see him getting more and more pissed off. By the fourth swim he was fully losing his shit, swearing and carrying on.

“He'd be madly swimming after his board and every time he'd almost get to it, a little whitewater'd come through and take it out of his reach.”

Mcphee continued: “Kinda makes me believe that there might be some kind of karmic force behind the ways of the ocean after all., 'Cos anything that wipes that smug fucken I'm-more-in-tune-with-the-great-mysteries-of-the-ocean-than-you-look off his face has got to be good.”


  1. Skippy McFlapflap peeled back his eye patch and showed off his totally sick gash to his school mates on Monday morning after a failed air to kickout over the weekend resulted in his board projecting into the air like a Scud missile and then snapping back into his face a million miles an hour. Despite looking like a gay pirate Skippy was convinced his new found blindness confirmed his status as a hardcore ripper.

  2. One day I got to the beach and realised i had forgotten my leggie. went out anyway got really pissed after swimming back for the second time. Lucky me I found this guy who happened to have a spare lawnmower cord on his boot and that saved my sesh though it felt a bit unconfortable having a 40cm long leash. But kept me going for a good 3 hrs

  3. Mojo found! Welcome back...

  4. All right good to have you back.We need more smack-talk in surfing.