Sunday, September 27, 2009

Complete Bitch Chooses to Read Magazine on Beach Instead of Watching, Transfixed in Awe, as Boyfriend Surfs

Fairhaven, Victoria –
It could be splitsville for teen power couple Grant Edmonds and Marcia Davis, sources close to the pair revealed today.

Mr Edmonds is reportedly fuming over a perceived snub from long term girlfriend Davis, who is said to have paid more attention to her copy of Cleo magazine than to her partner's surfing.

This, despite Edmonds deliberately choosing to surf a peak directly in front of her, and hooting loudly when paddling into a wave so as to sound the alert.

“We've been together for like three whole months. I just can't reconcile such an ice cold bitch act with the same princess who's so nice and sweet she won't even let me finger her,” said a clearly upset Edmonds.

“Every time I did like a heaps good reo and that I'd look back to the beach and she wouldn't even be looking UP.

“You think you know someone, and BAM, they spit in your face.”

Friends report Edmonds spent the first 20 minutes of his two-hour surf wondering aloud if Ms Davis was watching him or not.

Edmonds' consulted with good friend and surfing partner Andy Matthews.

“I told him it was hard to tell, ay,” says Matthews “Maybe she could have had an eye on the lineup over the top of the page. I'd say at that stage it was a 50 50 call if she was watching Grant or not.”

Witnesses claim Edmonds' confusion over whether his girl was marveling at his surf skills or being a total bitch drove him to attempt ever more ambitious manoeuvers to draw her attention away from the worthless junk she was reading.

“Hell yeah, Grant was going for it” smiled Mathews. “He does these forehand reos where he'll fall off the back of the wave, like the wave's long gone, but he's still in the layback position with both feet planted on the board but he's floating on his back in the water.

“He was holding that pose for about five seconds, just to make sure Marcia could check the style.”

From 10.30 am onwards, Ms Davis turned away and lay on her stomach, continuing to read her magazine. This was met with a tirade of foul language and vigorous splashing of water by Edmonds.

Despite Ms Davis's protests later that day that she saw Edmonds catch heaps of waves, and her assurances that he was surfing very impressively – far better in fact than practically anyone else out there – the formerly inseperable lovebirds are said to be barely on speaking terms.

To further complicate matters, one of Ms Davis's best friends – on condition of anonymity – has revealed to the Goldmine that at last Saturday's surf club disco, Ms Davis allowed herself to be fingered by Edmonds' mate Andy Matthews up in the Anglesea SLSC lookout tower.

“She was giving Andy a wristy at the time,” our source adds.


  1. lol...pass me the chicko roll...

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