Man Fails To Convince Girlfriend of Value Of Surfing

posted by guest goldminer NICK CARROLL

MONA VALE, SYDNEY – A local man was not permitted to surf last Sunday afternoon, despite excellent conditions, after he was unable to convince his long term girlfriend of the sport's overall value.

Instead Joe Hatfield, 32, spent most of the day in a large shopping mall with Sherry, 29, planning the purchase of several major pieces of furniture and other household goods, which she forcefully claimed were part of "planning our future together".

During a brief coffee break at around 2.30pm, a distressed Mr Hatfield explained that he had spent much of the morning in conversation with Sherry, "trying to reason with her about how vital surfing is - not just to my own emotional well-being, but to the nation as a whole".

"Studies have shown that in years of economic recession, surfing has been the rock upon which thousands of unemployed Australians have been able to lean," expounded Mr Hatfield.

"Not only that, Tourism Australia surveys show that surfing and other beach and surf based recreational activities are worth over $1.4 billion to the national tourism economy.

"I just reckon I should do my bit. If I, and people like me, don't surf on a regular basis, the whole thing could crumble overnight."

But his arguments were dismissed by Sherry, who said Mr Hatfield "just wanted to rack off and have a day off with his mates, leaving me to do the work in this relationship, as always".

She went on to say, staring hard at Mr Hatfield: "It's about time he grew up and realised that I'm not just here for his nookie when he wants it. We've just moved into a new place and we need to take care of things like furniture, bed linen, cutlery sets, curtains, light fittings, you name it.”

“We can't do it all in a weekend either - this will take months."

Sherry further stated that "even if his broad vision of the nation's surfing-based economic and cultural health had an ounce of credence - and I'm not saying it does - it'll just have to wait till we've picked out a nice colour matched bath sheet set."

Mr Hatfield uttered a muffled moan when his mobile telephone began to beep, apparently signalling the arrival of photos of the surf conditions relayed to him by colleagues. "It's six foot and perfect! Shez, can't we come back during the week?"

Instead Mr Hatfield remained at the mall until after closing time, signing several long-term hire purchase agreements.

Friends were torn over the arguments presented by the couple. Several of Mr Hatfield's colleagues offering him some relatively timid backup, muttering "whipped" and "he has to surf - it's essential for returning the budget to surplus at some point - can't she see that?" under their breaths.

But their own partners, who frequently attend coffee mornings with Sherry, were strident in their denigration. "Typical male behaviour, thinking up reasons why they should be allowed to do what they want… I don't know how she's put up with it so long."

Mr Hatfield, meanwhile, remains determined to surf at some point in the near future, despite the couple's ongoing need to find a small table that will go just perfectly under the interior kitchen serve-way. "It's my patriotic duty," he declared bravely.