Saturday, May 23, 2009

Newcomer Laughs Too Loudly at Local’s Joke.

Semi-regular visitor Steve Gardiner's campaign to quietly ingratiate himself into the mid-level social structure of the iconic Toonalook Point break suffered a setback last Sunday morning when he laughed too readily and eagerly at longtime local Alec Turner's quip about getting caught inside.

“I've seen that Steve bloke surfing round here a bit lately, seemed like an alright enough fella,” said Mr Turner, “so as we were paddling out after a bit of a set, I just said 'If I had a dollar for every time I've been caught inside here, I'd be a rich man'.

“It was meant to be the kind of observation you'd chuckle and roll your eyes at, but you'd have thought I'd just told the funniest joke in the world, the way he cracked up, laughing loudly and demonstratively slapping the water in agreement.”

“What a dick.”

Steve Gardiner spent the rest of the day at home on the couch hugging an oversized pillow, eating tim tams and remorsefully complaining to his wife. “Oh man, one chance and I've blown it. I just lost it. I knew I was overdoing it but I just couldn't stop.”

Experts agree that few indiscretions set a newcomer's campaign for acceptance back further than over-eagerness to laugh at a local's joke.

“It's a tragic mistake to make” says North Coast psychologist Dr Warren “Waz” Randall, “because it inevitably occurs right at the tipping point of acceptance – the newcomer is as good as gold, he's put in the hours, surfed the spot in all conditions, deferred to the local's right to the pick of the sets, and right at the very moment, after years of effort, when the local extends the offer of inclusion, the newcomer blows it by laughing inappropriately loudly at an only mildly humorous comment.

“Immediately, whatever esteem the newcomer has earned will evaporate into thin air.

“The newcomer has revealed his or her self to be a weak-willed, over-eager sycophantic arse kisser of the worst degree.

“In other words, exactly the type of surfer you don't want contaminating your boardrider's clubroom or representing your core local values when it's eight feet and draining off the ledge.”

When learning the particulars of the incident, Dr Randall sighed “Sheesh, Toona Point, that's a tough crowd. I'd say it's another 18 months before Mr Gardiner can expect to get any decent sets.

“I'd say best thing Mr Gardiner can do out there is keep himself to himself.

“No-one likes a kiss-arse.”


  1. Very dry Gra...Very dry.
    Kinda like a Gin and tonic.

  2. mayte....this is a great blog....keep it coming

  3. Fark! Thanks blokes. 'preciate the feedback!

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