Sunday, April 12, 2009

ASL staff runs 'desperately low' in excuses during recent swell bombardment.

BURLEIGH HEADS Qld – As their home break pumped at eight foot for days on end, one insider reveals ASL workers came under unprecedented pressure to deliver plausible reasons for not being out there getting the waves of their lives.

“We've got a lot on, what with ASL 250 coming up and all.” reckoned Editor Tim Fisher, echoing a common ASL staffer sentiment, adding “I woulda hit it this morning, only the tide was too low.”

“Looks like the northerly could spring up at any second” offered Associate Editor Chris Binns. “I'd hate to be 10 foot back in the barrel – which is where I'd probably be most the time – and have the northerly spring up and create the dreaded 'chandelier effect'.”

Photo editor Ben Ey claimed jetlag after a three hour ordeal flying back from the O'Neill Coldwater Classic in Tasmania four days previously.

ASL web editor Will had issues with his remote access server at home and couldn't access the surf cams. “How was I to know it was going off?”... fumed the indignant new-media specialist “Why didn't any of you c*nts call?... You know I love that shit!”

ASL designer Al Mitchell had the flu, assistant ASL editor Andy Morris didn't have the flu but complained of no ASL jet ski assist, South African expat publisher Simsy claimed diplomatic immunity while ASL honcho Pete Morrison labelled his decision to remain dry as a form of protest. “G20 summit, global warming, save Kirra, take your pick.”

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