Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Local Builder Agitated By Webcast Commentary.

JAC JUC, Vic – 34-year-old-tradesman Paul Kline has registered a loud and impassioned complaint to his wife about dumb analogies used repeatedly by under-qualified webcast commentators.

“What's this shit about ‘building house’?” Kline was heard to shout from the spare bedroom – currently doubling as the home office – as a competitor scored a ride in the low seven-point range.

“They’ve said it every time this guy catches a wave!"

“All I see is a guy doing reos. How can this be compared to building a fricken house?” Kline continued as his wife Barbara came in from the living room to see what the fuss was all about.

“I guess it’s one of those clichés, sweetheart,” replied Barbara Kline, 29, who stayed calm through the ordeal.

“You know how these commentators are, they stumble across some nice piece of phrasing that makes ’em sound worldly, but with any self-awareness long gone they return to these mind-numbing clichés time and time again. Instant ego validation and all that.

“But you can't be too hard on them, darl” Barbara went on to say “It's just the way language is heading these days anyway. Wanky corporatespeak is killing the language of simple truth.

“You’ve just got to sit through half an hour of The Biggest Loser to see that. Even the fatties are waffling on about ‘the journey’ they're on – as if jogging and laying off the Tim Tams is some profound spiritual odyssey... So you need to cut these webcast guys a little slack.”

“Mind you” Ms Kline continued “If one more commentator says ‘Surfer X went to towwwn on that wave’ I'll march down to Bells and personally rip the cunt’s windpipe out.”

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